come on down to the Mermaid Cafe

                               uncomfortably numb



                                     complex
                                       post
                                    traumatic
                                      stress
                                     disorder

it’s a thing
	no longer just for veterans
it’s a thing for us all

i watched my mother almost die
	i’ve seen the aftermath of violence
more times than i can admit to, i watched people 
						aim for damage or death
				baseball bats and fists
					and a little girl's eyes from her bed
			and he’s free for good behavior
				he’s free from a murder charge
					and my fear awakened
					       my mind remembered

broken glass, mirrors, the rooms he walked through
					dangerous and broken

			and i turned off all emotion
	i went  
		uncomfortably numb
	

like halloween at a haunted house
	and i remained bland
		watching the haunted house
			from a million miles away
			from a million distances away from me

	monsters jumping into my face
		noisy
			growly
		jumpy
			scary
	
	but not for me.
		i walked around numb
		seeing all and unable to jump
				unable to cry out
				unable to be shocked

because my fear came back to life
			when that monster was released
		show me a red headed viking
			free from jail
			free from consequences
			
			free
		and i am afraid
			crying on the floor of my garage
			unable to get up
				i could drown in those tears
				i could drown in this fear

			i could die in this fear