eeyore_grrl | Entries tagged with pulse

49 dead maybe their names don’t matter maybe i should just call them all by my own name 49 carey’s dead would that make you feel something but this is not all about me this is about Andrea and Mercedes this is about Geraldo and Jerald this is about Luis Luis Luis Luis because four of them died that night when their pulses were firing full blast wrists and jugulars throbbing in time to the dance floor hearts watching because here here it was supposed to be safe safe to love, hold hands, dance hip to hip and be a dance floor is sanctity latinx night at the club 49 dead 49 dead 49 dead 49 dead let’s dance let’s writhe to the beat of drums and guitar let’s feel our heritage dancing in our hips movement is safety says the rabbit says the prey movement is safety and i’m going to stand here still and tell you that love must go on and tell you that i grieve for my siblings that died that night and for Matthew Shepard and Harvey Milk and for my friends that were broken for their gay broken for identity broken for love let love prevail 49 dead i light this candle for you all for Luis for Luis for Luis for Luis

Bang

I wanted to write their names, but I can’t bring myself to read them. I can’t even double check the death toll. Or add Bangs for the injured. I wanted to write a poem to say how I feel about the Pulse Massacre in Orlando. But the poem that is on my lips, in my fingers, etching itself into my heart is one that requires details. Details. I can’t deal with details and won’t make myself for the sake of art; Right now I’m still trying to wrap my brain around the Big Picture. The fact that this happened. I can’t handle the details right now, and that’s ok. I don’t have to.

This is self-care.

I wanted to find the times. The time started. The length of time. What time of his life led him to hate the

Lesbian

Gay

Bisexual

Transgender

Queer

Community. What time of day was it when he planned this massacre. When will we outlaw guns like this? When will we outlaw guns like this? When will we outlaw guns like this? The length of time it takes to create a monster?

I think that I need to be more queer. More loud. More political. I have been busy with my husband and child; living the suburban dream and being ok with it. But this time I’m really going to write letters to my elected officials. (In longhand that they can think of me as a person, not a printer, not a chainmail.) And I’m going to be more vocal about my beliefs. I’m going to challenge others. I’ll do it calmly. The fact that this was specifically perpetrated against the queer community makes me want to go about kissing women in public. In photographs. To reaffirm my solidarity. To normalize. To show that we are indeed here, we are indeed queer, and really, you best get used to it.

When I can safely look at the details I will ingest them and digest them. I will turn details into stardust and record names into art. I will help the future look back and weep for us, with us. I will help explain this in emotion. In heartsong. In the delicate language of a wrist’s pulse I will speak my pieces. I will check and double check the facts that I use. The spelling of names.

I will exude love. Or, at least, I’ll try. Then I will try harder. And, so very importantly, I’ll remember that anger doesn’t nullify love. That sometimes sheer anger is the most useful reaction, because every reaction causes an equal and opposite reaction and the world needs more love.

One day

I will write their names.

S	M	T	W	T	F	S
				1	2	3
4	5	6	7	8	9	10
11	12	13	14	15	16	17
18	19	20	21	22	23	24
25	26	27	28	29	30	31

come on down to the Mermaid Cafe

(a mean old daddy, but you like me)

Entries tagged with pulse

49 dead

Say Their Names: Orlando Pulse Massacre

Pulse, Orlando

Profile

May 2025

Syndicate

Most Popular Tags

Page Summary

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags